The Art of Reentry--February 2016
Anse-a-Pitres Refugee Camp (Photo by John Carroll–September 19, 2015)
Immediately after finishing my medical residency in 1987 I moved to Haiti and worked at Hopital Albert Schweitzer in the Artibonite Valley in central Haiti. I was there for four months and it was the best learning experience of my “medical life”. The work was intense but very rewarding.
When I returned home, other than family members and a few polite friends, very few people were interested in hearing me talk to them about my experiences in Haiti. I wanted to tell everyone I met about Haiti. But I got the impression that few really wanted to know.
As the years trickled by and I would return to the US from Haiti, I would continue to be disappointed. I really didn’t learn from my past experiences that most people were NOT all that interested in Haiti or my slide shows or my ranting and raving about Haiti. And I was frustrated. How could they NOT be interested I wondered.
On one occasion in the late 80’s I corralled a few friends and bribed them with food and drink. I pulled pictures off the living room wall and set up my slide projector aimed strategically at the wall. I had about 3 carousels full of slides stacked in a column next to the projector. My dear sweet mother walked in to the room, saw the slides, and said to me in front of everyone, “I sure hope you are not going to show them all of those pictures.” She was not trying to be rude…she was just being practical and trying to protect my friends from me.
I did not know it 30 years ago but I was having problems with reentry. Reentry is a very real and complex entity. My reentry challenge is psychological. The word “reentry” implies going back, returning to something that is known from prior experience. But to what?
I was returning to my “passport country” a very changed person and wanted to tell everyone about Haiti…every aspect of Haiti. I thought I had Haiti figured out and wanted everyone to understand Haiti also. And very mistakenly I thought everyone would be hanging on every word. (No one really has Haiti figured out but I did not know that then.)
And believe it or not, I am going through a tough reentry right now. I just got back from the refugee camps on the Haitian/Dominican border. I want to spew out details of the camps replete with my explanation of what can be done to ameliorate the horrible situations in the camps. I need to be “debriefed”. But almost no one seems interested. In fact most people don’t even know the camps exist. And after 30 years I am tentative about broaching the subject except with my wife Maria and my son Luke. And even they can only take so much.
Ramsey and Sachetti from Reentry: Coming ‘Home’ to the Unfamiliar:
“There is a tendency for repatriates to expect several things:
1. Although people and places change, relationships that were once vital will continue to be so;
2. Family and friends will be as eager and excited to hear about their adventures as they are to speak about them;
3. Activities and/or job responsibilities that inspired them before they left will continue to do so;
4. They will feel relaxed, at ease, and “at home” because they are once again in a familiar cultural and physical environment;
5. Their broader perspective on life, abilities to deal effectively with diversity, and their understanding of the global nature of the human condition will be acknowledged and valued.
“The actual experience of return proves, however, that to varying degrees all of the above assumptions are FALSE.”
————
I have to fight the FOLLOWING feelings so they don’t become more entrenched in my persona:
Boredom–As mentioned above, Haiti is a dynamic place. My adrenalin level is very high in Haiti. Haiti is REALLY alive and filled with daily challenges. When I get back to Peoria I am frustrated that I cannot tackle those problems head-on like I do in Haiti.
The “distance” between Haiti and Peoria is difficult for me to navigate. Reading about the problems of Donald, Marco, Hillary, et al when real people are needlessly starving in refugee camps so close to us is really kind of awful.
However, when we bring back Haitian patients for heart surgery, the “distance” between Haiti and Peoria is much less. The wonderful host families over the years can withstand my pontification much easier when the Haitian child is standing right in their kitchen. And I feel much less bored and more connected with both worlds.
Disappointment—Something that is so important and exciting to me (Haiti) seem so “ho-hum” to others that they may not even bring up the subject. The “no one wants to hear syndrome” is not good. It makes me brood and feel alone.
But it is necessary for me to understand the following possibilities and deal with the disappointment I feel in their perceived lack of interest in Haiti:
They have their own personal battles that I may know very little about.
Haiti scares them and they fear for everyone’s safety who goes there…including mine.
They believe that Haiti is not fixable and figure why waste your time?
They don’t want to be sad or feel guilty staring at graphic pictures I have taken or listen to my stories of needless human suffering.
Alienation—Others begin distancing themselves from me because of my attitudes and actions. I have experienced this and this is most painful. It is a very lonely experience to be separated from people who I used to “know” but who now are afraid to use the word “Haiti”. The causes for this alienation in my case are many and I am not close to solving this.
Rejection—I have to be very careful not to separate myself from people I view as uninterested. I know they love me and vice-versa, and I have to look past this chasm. I cannot allow myself to reject them.
And very importantly I need to ask myself how interested am I in THEIR lives and what THEY are doing. Being with people in Haiti who are fighting for their existence can blur my view of what is important when all of our challenges are important.
In conclusion, reentry is very hard for me and if it becomes too difficult, then maybe I shouldn’t go to Haiti any longer. Haiti cannot be pushed on anyone. I can no longer ask people to “listen to the story” or “look at the pictures”…it just doesn’t work. It’s up to them to show interest, and if they don’t, then I have to try and understand why and not personalize their reaction.
John A. Carroll, MD
www.haitianhearts.org
16 replies on “The Art of Reentry”
George A.
says:
kembe la! Big admirer of your work.
Janice Karson
says:
I know how you feel. It’s difficult to return home to the same old thing. Also, the indifference to the plight of Haiti is discouraging. I keep telling myself that others have their problems and priorities. I’m lucky I have some like minded people around me who continue to travel to Haiti for clinics and work on projects. Hang in there, you must go back
Great Read Dr Carroll…
Hi, John,
As some who is about to return to Haiti for the fourth time photographing from NGOs, I find this post absolutely spot on, in any number of ways. I am especially taken by your observation that no one really wants to hear about the experience, and your also by your reference to having the feeling of “having Haiti figured out.” I will also frankly admit that each time I come back depressed, convinced that while people like you can save one life at a time, Haiti and the Haitian people have been so beaten upon for so long – by both the Haitian elites and by the “developed” world, that it is foolish to expect meaningful change. But I do hope that I’m wrong.
Terrific piece.
Candace Duran
says:
I have some limited experience in providing health care in Haiti and some other countries .I also have experienced some of the situations you mentioned after returning home.I plan to find more opportunities to connect with others who understand and I think this will help with the feelings of alienation at times.Candace Duran CNM
Bobbi
says:
Thank you. Very insightful, and very helpful for the struggles to understand that many of us experience when we return. I had to learn that the answer to the question, “How was your trip?” needs to be very superficial, unless more information is requested. (Midwives for Haiti volunteer )
Jacques Lemieux
says:
I have not done the kind of work you have in Haiti, but after visiting with my son-in-laws family and returning to the US, I can identify strongly with what you wrote so well of feeling. Please do not stop going to Haiti. There is so much need and so few who are willing to try to serve the need. Next time you are ready to return to the US, how about you let those of us know and we will come and watch your slides and listen to your talks and help you “re-enter” in a much more positive manner. I think you slides and experiences would be fascinating to see and hear.
David Volk
says:
I find Psalm 138 (or 139): 23-24, pertinent and helpful. “Search me, God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out what is offensive in me, and lead me on the path to everlasting life.”
Hi John,
You have been able to write my feelings of returning from Haiti 32 Yrs. ago. I still feel the same as I did when I returned then. I cannot say or explain what it is that I need to get into their heart.
I wrote a story when I first returned and many enjoyed reading it , but I think they felt it was “my thing?” All I know, is that I wrote it from my soul and my tears. I have come to the conclusion, at least for myself, that you have to go there to know what I or anybody else that has gone, to feel deep in your soul what we talk aboutI.
I don’t have the magic of words that you do to bring the feelings out of the hearts of others. You have that talent and blessings.
All I can say, is “Don’t stop! You will influence somebody, maybe another young person that will someday walk a mile in your shoes.
I love you! Take care and God Bless, Patty
We have all experienced this to differing degrees – thank you for sharing your perspective. NWB preps our volunteers for entry and re-entry with a Culture Shock Education and Unpacking Exercise talk. Some of you may find it useful for processing and packaging your experiences for folks back home:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/15gqKWeTqsWsrFO8sQA_8Z7bh6pu94yg-nBBzfNDHRPM/edit
Thank you all for your thoughts, comments, and advice.
john
BY POST AUTHOR
I am planning my 8th trip to Haiti. I relate to the adrenaline rush of being there, and the difference between our First World problems and the conditions in Haiti. It’s hard getting people to support the work, but then Haiti meant nothing to me until I happened to go to work with kids after the earthquake. Everyone has causes close to their heart; I have come to understand my limitations in getting the message out about Haiti. On the other hand, I have gotten people to go there with our non-profit, which wouldn’t have happened without my talking to anyone who will listen about the reality of life in Haiti. Don’t stop going!
Chuck E. Cheese riot. Another reason reentry is difficult.
john
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